i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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