Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bet he comes in French.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
