Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
