First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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