As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
