he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
