OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
