How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
