From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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