The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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