She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
