He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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