Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
