Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
