I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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