Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
