i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize