stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
