Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
