Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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