it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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