OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
