There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
