____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
