My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He has the fingertips of a God
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