Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
