Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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