Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
