dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
