forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
