I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
