How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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