I'm drive I can fine osifer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
