Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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