I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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