He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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