I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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