Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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