I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
