i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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