where does the pee come out of this thing
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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