You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
