her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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