I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
