it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
