I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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