It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
