he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
