I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
