Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
