i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
