"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
