I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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